White Flag.....

Let me start with... I tried, I had the best of intentions.

I generally get about 20 minutes a day to read. The 20 minutes before bed and often it's a very interrupted time with my son wanting to tell me something or the cat wanting attention. So in my life there have been many times when I've given up on a book because it was not moving along in the time that I have to read. (I love Lord of the Rings but I'm not going to spend 2 weeks reading forest description).

The invisibility shawl has been sort of like one of those books for me. I've worked on it a little bit every day and it's just not going anywhere. And it feels more like a chore than something I want to do, more of a chore than something I'm putting love into. I kept thinking of the projects that I wanted to make for other people instead of the shawl. I've been mad at it when I lose my place and have to count the stitches to figure out where I'm at. (I finally made a chart). And yesterday after this happened for the 5th time in about 2 hours and calling it the "stupid @*!@! shawl", my son asked "mom, if you don't like it, why don't you just stop? no one is making you do it" This very simple 10yo logic made sense. I was feeling guilty about having to leave the KAL if I quit, that I'm going to disappoint Cami, that I'm less of a Knitter because I don't want to continue. Yet this simple logic "no one is making you do it" wins ultimately.

So I finished the pattern, and then I did the last garter rows. I thread a scrap piece of yarn through the active stitches and blocked it. This was what it looked like this morning. Tiny, but pretty.

Ok... so I figured, I'll bind it off and at least it will be complete. Sort of. Well, it's not as easy to get those stitches back on the needle from a scrap piece. That took quite awhile and several unknitterly words. I was glad son was not there.

Next, I realized when I photocopied the pages for my knitting bag, I did not include the instructions for SSK BO. Ok, I'm not home but I'm near Borders. They can't fault me for looking at a book I already own, right? The instructions sound weird to me and are different than what I see for the same named bind-off in another book. But, the author must know best, and I did save more than the 60" of tail. So begins my worst bind-off ever. I started with the way the author said. And to be honest, it is the prettiest and most flexible of the bind-offs I used. yes, plural, because as I got about 1/3 of the way I realized that there was no way I had enough tail to bind off the rest. So I switched to the other kind of SSK BO (which really is slip, slip, knit decrease all the way). this used less tail but was much tighter. (and not as pretty). But even that was going to run out so at the end, I did something. I don't think it has a name, it shouldn't. but it finished the edge and tied off the corner and I just don't care anymore. And I refuse to do the other edge because I know I don't have enough tail there either.

So here's my white flag, I surrender. I'm taking it as a strategic decision to save my sanity rather than an all-out failure. I did learn things. I learned that if I want to, I can create pretty lace. I learned how to do the provisional cast-on. and I learned from my son, that no one is making me knit.

On to other things tomorrow... I think some fingerless gloves for a friend who always freezes. They involves cables, something new for me. Plus knitting something with the goal of a smile at the end, makes it worth it, even during the tough parts.

Happy Knitting! -Dragonfly

P.S. It is the perfect Barbie sized evening shawl though....